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  1. I didn't want rabid antlike meanies scurrying on my eyes. The following critters went nuts, running in circles around their flattened brothers. The opening was twice my height, so I entered standing. The rats often ran between the small trash bins at the base of the apartment building and the massive dumpsters in the Burger King lot adjacent to the backyard. While I fondled the pendulum hanging in the back of my throat, desperate to empty my stomach of its murky pudding, I heard an agitated squeal from below. Two were fucking right there in the dirt, dead center in front of me. I puked, splashing their hedonistic display of rodentine thrusting and bucking with a gallon of meaty amber lacquer. A special child, which I knew instantly must be the joint offspring of me and the mysterious intravenous insemination. It wasn't until years after she died that I found that telegram."Dear Regina Glenn, We regret to inform you that your husband, Elmer Glenn, died on August 2nd, 1977, while under the employ of the United States National Defense Research Unit.